The Tension of Suffering

It’s a truth that I’ve become aware of. Though I spend hours and hours, day after day trying to avoid it, there is no denying that times of struggle and suffering have produced growth within me. They bring me out of comfort and into the ring with fear, until I emerge victoriously having yet again discovered that love, hope, and possibility are still there.

And yet now this becomes much more complex as I care for my daughter. I want her to be safe, loved, comforted, happy… everything that I’ve ever wanted for myself. Still, she will have to suffer. What an uncomfortable truth as a parent! And to have the wisdom to choose what suffering is inevitable and part of growth, and what suffering is unnecessary and can be avoided. Do I share what I’ve learned so she can avoid some of the same obstacles? But haven’t I learned great things from those very obstacles? How will she ever glean the same truth without experience?

Can I stand by and provide love while I watch her enter times of pain, knowing that keeping her from it will only make her weaker for the next battle?

The duality of our lives, the search for love, and the daily grind of suffering in its many forms. The expectation of contentedness leads to suffering, and yet how often do we choose the easier thing, in hopes that we will remain comfortable? How often is comfort stolen from us, and in that experience we are stretched, torn, broken and built up again?

How do I suffer and love? Watch her suffer and love, suffer and love? With the desperate hope that it will always come around again, that something will be learned, obstacles overcome, wisdom gained, hope remains.